Charyn
by TB's LMC
Summary: What if, in the episode "Tuvix", the Away Team had consisted of Janeway and Chakotay instead of Tuvok and Neelix? J/C Rated for mild sexual content not pornographic - just want to be on the safe side! .


Title: Charyn  
  
Author: Christine L. Davis  
  
E-Mail: nilescc@yahoo.com  
  
Summary: What if, in the episode "Tuvix", the Away Team had consisted of Janeway and Chakotay instead of Tuvok and Neelix? (J/C)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own the show "Voyager" or any characters or other properties contained therein. Please don't sue me, I'm merely toying with the characters. You can have them back when I'm finished.  
  
Timeline: Replacement for the episode "Tuvix". Will skew the show beyond that episode, however, due to events contained herein.  
  
Author's Note: Please note that the pronunciation of "Charyn" is \chah-rin\. It is the "Cha" from Chakotay and the "ryn" from Kathryn and should be pronounced accordingly.  
  
~~~~Charyn~~~~  
  
"I'm glad Tom talked you into coming down here with me. You need to get off the ship for a while."  
  
Janeway shot her first officer an amused look. "Oh, really. Is that your, uh, *medical* opinion, *Doctor* Chakotay?"  
  
He laughed. "No, but it's the *Doctor's* medical opinion. You needed some shore leave. However brief it may be."  
  
"He said that?"  
  
Chakotay reached around behind a boulder to collect some particularly tall alien orchids. "He said that."  
  
"I must remind the good Doctor not to discuss my medical needs with anyone else aboard ship."  
  
Despite her words, Chakotay could tell that Kathryn wasn't really annoyed. Her voice actually sounded...relaxed. And amused.  
  
She sighed. "It *is* beautiful down here. I've never seen so many different species of flowering plants in one place. At least, not since the last time I visited the Greenhouse Colony on Pi Omega Six."  
  
"Ah, yes, I have been there as well."  
  
She turned to him in surprise. "You have?"  
  
"Many years ago, as a small child. Pi Omega Six isn't all that far from where I grew up."  
  
"Well, I'll be. It's a small galaxy."  
  
He smiled. That melting, loving smile that she needed like a drug. That smile that kept her going, day in and day out. That smile which had become as much a part of her everyday life as sitting in the Captain's chair on the Bridge. Although, she'd never admit to it under interrogation...  
  
"Captain?"  
  
Startled out of her reverie, Janeway jumped slightly. "Yes, Commander?"  
  
"Now that we've collected enough samples, would you like to do some exploring?"  
  
Janeway sighed. She would *love* to do some exploring. Especially with her first officer. But there were many things back on the ship that required her attention. She shouldn't even have taken this hour to come to the planet's surface, but Tom Paris, Chakotay and Harry Kim, as a combined force, were impossible to say no to. She had therefore accompanied Chakotay, not entirely of her own free will.  
  
Taking a deep breath, she smiled softly. "No, Chakotay, not today. I have a dozen PADDs to read through before the afternoon is over and a couple of appointments to fit in between. There's just no time."  
  
Chakotay returned her soft smile. "I know, Kathryn. But one day there will be."  
  
Off her curious look, he stepped in a little closer. She could smell him, that unique scent that meant only one thing, only one man...Chakotay. She held her breath.  
  
Again he spoke. "One day." Then he turned so they were standing shoulder-to-shoulder and tapped his comm badge. "Chakotay to Voyager. Two to beam up."  
  
Harry Kim's voice came floating through the air. "Commander, this is Ensign Kim. I'm afraid we're having a slight difficulty with our transporters. I should have it fixed within the hour."  
  
Chakotay glanced sidelong at his captain, an amused grin toying with the corners of his mouth. "Understood, Ensign. Notify us as soon as you regain transporter capability."  
  
"Aye, Sir."  
  
"Chakotay out."  
  
Kathryn turned on him, her eyes dancing. "You arranged this, didn't you? I'm going to have to put Mr. Kim on report."  
  
"Captain?"  
  
"I'd wager my quarters that there's not a thing wrong with Voyager's transporters."  
  
"You know what?" Chakotay replied, a full-blown smile adorning his chiseled features. "I've been looking for larger accommodations. You're on, Kathryn."  
  
They shook hands, then began to look around a little, poking through a bush here, peeking through a tree there. After several minutes, Chakotay called to her from a few meters away.  
  
"Kathryn!"  
  
"Coming!" She reached him shortly and asked, "What is it, Commander?"  
  
"Look. This planet is beautiful."  
  
The tone of his voice made her desperately want to see what he was seeing. It was breathy, barely above a whisper. Chakotay was standing atop a small rock formation. She struggled about halfway up, then felt large, and strong hands grasp her forearms. He pulled her the rest of the way, with a little help from her feet, depositing her on the small flattop rock right next to him. Their faces were very close as they gazed into one another's eyes.  
  
"Kathryn, look," Chakotay whispered. His left arm stayed around her back to support her and keep her from falling. His right arm made a grand sweeping gesture, indicating the low valley that spread in front of them as far as the eye could see.  
  
She tore her gaze from his tattoo, where it had fallen when he'd turned his head, and couldn't help a loud gasp at what she saw.  
  
The entire valley was lush with greenery and so many different colors and varieties of flowers that the captain just couldn't believe her eyes. Low silverish clouds hung just above her and the Commander's height. The rays of the planet's single sun bounced of the silver, creating reflections of light throughout the valley and surrounding mountainsides. The sparkles even bounced in the humans' direction, toying with their faces and uniforms, bedazzling their eyes. It seemed like an eternity that they stood there, gazing at Creation's beauty, awestruck by a scene most likely never looked upon by any other humanoid eyes.  
  
Some time during their small eternity, Kathryn's right arm wound around Chakotay's waist, mimicking the light hold he had on hers. "It's...beautiful," she finally breathed, wondering how long she'd been holding her breath.  
  
"Yes. But not as beautiful as you." Chakotay turned to her. "Kathryn, I must recreate this for you on the holodeck."  
  
"It won't be the same. Special moments can't be recreated." Her voice cracked with emotion. Sometimes she wished so very much that she could just stay on a planet like this, with only Chakotay for companionship. The two of them would simply stand in awe of the planet's beauty and become one with their surroundings. And with each other.  
  
He gently put a finger to her chin, moving her face so that her eyes had to meet his. "Is this moment special for you?"  
  
Caught up in the moment, the captain grasped his hand. "Every moment I spend with you is special, Chakotay."  
  
He smiled. That small admission from his captain had not been delivered lightly, and he knew it. He wanted to memorize the look on her face right now, burn her eyes into his consciousness, and burn her words into his brain. He wanted to cherish this moment for a long time to come.  
  
"My Kathryn. How I dislike seeing you hurt so."  
  
'He can see my pain,' she thought incredulously. 'My pain about Mark. He can see it. He can see right through me.'  
  
"I'm handling it," she replied, standing up a little straighter and releasing his hand.  
  
"I know you are, just like you handle everything. But you don't have to handle it alone. If you want to talk about Mark...or anything at all...I am always here for you."  
  
Kathryn's hand found its way to Chakotay's cheek, which she caressed almost imperceptibly. "I know. Thank you."  
  
He wanted to say it. Oh, how he wanted to say it. Why couldn't he just tell her that he loved her? He knew why. Because she loved Mark. At least, that's how it seemed. She still got choked up when she spoke of him, that much he had learned from Kes. Kes was a good friend to their captain. As Chakotay turned once more to gaze across the vibrant bespeckled valley, he recalled the conversation he'd had with the girl only last week.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Commander, I'm sorry for interrupting your dinner. May I speak with you?"  
  
"Kes? Certainly, you're not bothering me. Have a seat."  
  
Chakotay occupied one chair of a two-person table in the corner of the Mess Hall. Kes soon occupied the other. She looked nervous. Her eyes kept darting around the Mess Hall, as if trying to find someone. Or trying to make sure someone wasn't around.  
  
"What's on your mind?" Chakotay asked gently. He knew Kes would spook if he were too forceful.  
  
"Commander, I don't know...I mean, I don't think--I'm not sure if I should be talking to you about this, but--well, I'm worried."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"Not what...who. I'm worried about the captain."  
  
Chakotay's ears perked up. Kes suddenly had his full attention. "The captain?" he asked in a cool, even tone.  
  
"Yes. Oh, Commander, I don't think I should--can we go somewhere more...private?"  
  
Even though he hadn't yet finished dinner, Chakotay didn't care. Something was happening to Kathryn, and he needed to know what. "Of course we can. Come, follow me."  
  
Moments later, the two were seated next to one another in a small conference room. Kes' elbows alternately rested on the table and in the palms of her hands. Yes, she was *very* nervous.  
  
"Now, Kes, what is it about the captain that worries you?"  
  
Kes just looked at him and bit her lip. She didn't want to betray her best friend's trust, but...  
  
He reached across the table and lay his hand on hers. "I promise, what is said here and now will not leave this room."  
  
She smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank you, Commander."  
  
"You're welcome. Now, what is it?"  
  
She took a deep breath. "I think the captain is having a difficult time with her memories of, and love for, Mark."  
  
Chakotay nodded in understanding.  
  
"I can't get her to talk about him, and even if she happens to mention his name, she gets all choked up and teary-eyed and refuses to even continue the conversation. And when *I* bring him up, she completely steers our talk in another direction. Commander, she's not venting to anyone about her feelings. That isn't healthy, I know it's not. We all have to deal with similar issues, but the captain *isn't* dealing with hers. She's just...burying them. I think the only other person on this ship besides me that she would trust with her...with her heart...is you."  
  
Surprised by this last statement, Chakotay thought about the woman he'd fallen in love with, practically at first sight. She was the strongest person he had ever known. But also the most vulnerable, all at the same time. And now, here was her best friend, young Kes, telling him that his captain would trust him with her heart.  
  
"If only that were true," he replied. "The captain never wishes to speak of personal issues with me."  
  
"I know, she guards herself when she's with you."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"I think you know." Kes watched his face as realization dawned upon him.  
  
"No, Kes, it can't be. She's in love with Mark."  
  
"Yes, she is. Or at least, she *loves* him. But I think...I mean, she's never really given me any indication of this, she's never said it or anything...but it seems to me that she's in love with you, too."  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
Kes stood and began pacing the room like a caged tiger. "I knew I shouldn't have come to you, I'm meddling...oh, Captain Janeway is *never* going to forgive me!"  
  
"No, no, Kes, calm down, calm down." She stopped her pacing and looked at him. He patted the chair she'd just occupied. "Sit down, it's all right. I'm not going to reveal to her in any way what you've told me."  
  
"Promise?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
Kes breathed a sigh of relief and fell back into the chair. "I just--she won't let herself get too close to anyone...I honestly don't know why she let me in. But she's let you in, too. She just doesn't know it yet. Or maybe she does, and that's why she's fighting it so."  
  
"You think she feels guilty about developing amorous feelings for any man other than Mark?"  
  
"Yes, I do." Kes seemed more encouraged now, more sure of herself. "She still loves him, I mean, of course she does, they were supposed to be married. But she knows deep down that seventy years is a long time. Mark probably won't wait for her, but even if he would, her heart has changed since Voyager got lost. Since *you* came aboard. Even if we were able to return to Earth right now, I'm not sure the captain would marry Mark."  
  
"Kes, I don't understand. If Kathryn has told you nothing of her feelings for Mark...or for *me*, for that matter...where are you getting all this?"  
  
"I can *feel* it from her, Commander. Whenever she speaks your name, whenever she is reflecting upon something you've said or a moment you two have shared...I can feel it exude from her."  
  
"Feel what exude from her?"  
  
"Love, Commander Chakotay. In its purest form. In fact, it's very similar to what Neelix projects when we're together. Simple love. But very intense."  
  
"Ah." Chakotay had much to think about. According to Kes, his captain was in love with him. And Chakotay knew that *he* was very much in love with *her*. He smiled. "Thank you, Kes. Thank you for coming to me. I'll do my best to help our captain. You *are* a good friend to her."  
  
"I'm still afraid that I've overstepped my bounds."  
  
"I don't think you have. Besides, the captain will never know we spoke about this. I'll let you know if I make any progress with her. At the very least, we'll be the ears she needs if she ever decides to open up."  
  
"Thank you, Commander. I'll do the same."  
  
A burden seemed to have been lifted from Kes' spirit. She bounced out of the room, on her way to see Neelix, no doubt. Chakotay lowered the conference room's lighting by 60% and sat there for the next several hours, contemplating all that Kes had said and all that his future...and Kathryn's...might now hold.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
The gentle warrior noticed as he now stood on the small rock plateau with Kathryn, that her arm had tightened somewhat around his waist. He wished he knew what she was thinking. He wanted so badly to speak to her about her feelings, about her inner turmoil. But he couldn't tip his hand. He couldn't betray Kes like that.  
  
Cheep-chirp! "Ensign Kim to Commander Chakotay."  
  
Both Janeway and Chakotay jumped when the comm badge chirped. Chakotay tapped it and responded, "Yes, Ensign, go ahead."  
  
"We're ready to bring you home, Commander. I have a lock on your new position."  
  
"Very well." Chakotay removed his arm from his captain's waist. She did the same. Then she nodded that she was ready. He could have sworn, just for a moment, that he saw a tear forming in the corner of her eye, but then it was gone. "Two to beam up."  
  
Aboard Voyager, Harry and the Transporter Room attendant energized the transporters and watched the pad...but something was wrong...*very* wrong...there was only one pattern materializing...one lone figure...where was the other? Who did they have? And who was missing?  
  
Harry panicked. "Something's wrong. Here--" he moved into place behind the control panel, bumping the attendant out of the way. He tried sending the signals back down to the planet; he tried to stop the transport... "It's too late. I can't reverse it."  
  
The shimmering light finally ceased. Harry and the attendant looked on with awe at the single humanoid that stood before them. Harry yanked his phaser from its holster. "Security Alert, intruder in Transporter Room--" Then he stopped and looked...really *looked* at the intruder. It was wearing a Starfleet crimson command uniform and a comm badge.  
  
"Commander...Captain...who are you?"  
  
For the creature looked like *both* Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway. S/he was taller than the captain was, but shorter than the commander was. His/Her hair was long and flowing, but as black as space without stars. The eyes were light crystal brown, with almost a greenish tint to them. Chakotay's tattoo adorned the side of the creature's head, but the markings were not as vivid. S/he had a female-looking chest, but a thicker body than most women did, with a less-definable figure than that of Captain Janeway.  
  
The voice coming from the creature was also a strange mix...it sounded like a male baritone...but behind it somewhere it seemed Harry could hear a female as well. "I--" the creature stammered, "I am Captain Janeway."  
  
Harry frowned incredulously.  
  
"And," the creature continued, "I am Commander Chakotay."  
  
~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~  
  
Harry escorted the unknown being to Sickbay, unable to stop staring at him/her. He tried to explain what had happened to the doctor, but he wasn't quite certain himself. The next several days were spent with the Doctor running every conceivable test on the new person. S/he rarely spoke the first day, and then it was only to answer the Doctor's questions. By the second day, s/he was talking up a storm with both Kes and the doctor, as well as with Tuvok and Tom Paris, who were now the captain and first officer of Voyager, respectively.  
  
Everyone learned that, in essence, Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway had merged somehow into a single being during transport. This new being had a perfect blend of the two senior officers' physical traits. Almost too perfect. While outwardly s/he appeared feminine, due to the two breasts on his/her chest, his/her reproductive organs were most definitely male.  
  
Not only that, but also this new "person" had within his/her mind every single thought and memory, both of Kathryn's and Chakotay's. S/he knew everything about Starfleet and Earth and Mark and Voyager, s/he knew everything about Chakotay's difficult childhood and the Maquis. But it seemed s/he was only one consciousness...one person. The Doctor spent endless hours trying to discover how such a thing was possible.  
  
On the third day of testing, the creature approached Kes, who was checking and re-checking the results of the first bio-scan they'd done against the most recent one. "Hello, Kes."  
  
"Hi, Cap--hello."  
  
"Mm, it's been very confusing, with me not having a name."  
  
"Yes," Kes smiled, "it *has* been."  
  
"I think we should come up with one."  
  
"Well, what did you have in mind?"  
  
"Since I'm a blend of two individuals, I feel I should honor them by combining their names to create my own."  
  
"That's a great idea. But...Commander Chakotay has only one name, while the captain has two. How do you decide which one of hers to use?"  
  
"Good point. I think that perhaps we should work with "Kathryn". It is, after all, her first name. And Chakotay is...well, he's Chakotay. So let's work with those two names."  
  
"Agreed. Hmm...how about..."Kathotay"?"  
  
"That sounds like the name for one of your medical instruments."  
  
Kes laughed. "Do you have something?"  
  
"Perhaps..."Chakryn"."  
  
"That sounds like a new blend of Neelix's coffee."  
  
Now both of them laughed out loud.  
  
"Wait!" the being exclaimed. "I have it!"  
  
"What?" Kes smiled eagerly.  
  
"How about...Charyn."  
  
"Oh, I like that. It's beautiful. Charyn it is."  
  
"I feel so much better now that I have a name. But I understand that everyone is also having difficulty referring to me by gender."  
  
Kes blushed. "Well, yes. Since you have both male and female characteristics, we're not sure whether you're a "he" or a "she". Of course, we don't want to call you an "it"."  
  
"Of course not. I believe," Charyn said thoughtfully, "that other species who either have no gender or are of mixed genders are referred to by their most obvious or prominent characteristic. I believe that these," here s/he pointed to the breasts protruding from his/her chest, "make me look more female than male."  
  
"I agree."  
  
"Then please let everyone know that I will not be offended if I am referred to as "she". They can say "he", too, if they want. Either way, I understand and won't be put out."  
  
"That's a relief. You're so...open and honest."  
  
"I find that I must be. The captain's and the commander's personalities are such that truth and honesty must always prevail...in *most* cases..."  
  
"*Most* cases?"  
  
"Yes, yes, but better not to speak of such things now."  
  
Kes was unable to question Charyn further, for at that moment, Acting Captain Tuvok entered Sickbay. "Greetings, Cap--Comm--" Obviously upset by his inability to come up with an appropriate address for the merged being, Tuvok frowned in annoyance and clamped his mouth shut before continuing. "Kes, how are the tests progressing?"  
  
"They've run me through every test on this ship!" Charyn complained. "I understand that we need to find out what happened, how I came to be. But frankly, I'm getting very restless. There are a hundred things I need to do that have been neglected for far too long. I must have a hundred PADDs waiting in my Ready Room by now..."  
  
Tuvok raised an eyebrow.  
  
Kes intervened, "Charyn needs to keep busy...just like Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. Neither of them could sit still for a second."  
  
"Not *entirely* true." Charyn interjected.  
  
"Charyn?" Tuvok asked, obviously confused.  
  
"Oh, my apologies. Kes and I thought it would be good if I had a name. It would make referring to me much easier. We combined "Chakotay" with "Kathryn" to form "Charyn". What do you think?"  
  
"Your decision is logical. Charyn it is."  
  
"Kes, does the doctor think I'm capable of reporting back to the Bridge as ship's Captain?"  
  
Tuvok raised his eyebrow again. "Charyn, I am not certain that you should be resuming those duties at this time. I believe the more logical approach would be to ease you back into your role as a Starfleet officer. I am hopeful that the Doctor will have come up with a solution to your...remarkable...problem in a few days. Then Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay can resume their posts."  
  
"I understand. But please, let me do *something*!"  
  
"Very well. I don't think it would be a problem for you to tackle the PADDs you mentioned in the Ready Room. I will have them sent to your quarters. Which...quarters...will you be staying in?"  
  
"Well, the captain and the commander wagered the Captain's Quarters that Mr. Kim was fibbing about a transporter problem. It seems there really *was* a problem, that means that Chakotay wins. Kathryn's quarters are now his. I believe that I will take her quarters over, if that's okay with you."  
  
Kes giggled. Tuvok frowned. The captain and the commander had wagered? Captain Janeway thought Ensign Kim was lying about a transporter problem? He didn't get it. Oh, well. Best not to be sidetracked by mindless drivel such as that.  
  
"Of course." Tuvok stepped back to allow Charyn past them into the hall. She was delighted to be free of the confines of Sickbay and cheerfully headed to her quarters.  
  
The Doctor entered the room. "What happened to my patient?" he asked.  
  
"Charyn got claustrophobic," Kes explained.  
  
"Yes, I sent him--her--I sent Charyn to begin working on the PADDs that have been waiting for the captain's return."  
  
"Charyn?"  
  
"That is, apparently, the name he--she--that the being has chosen."  
  
"She said it was okay if people referred to her either by "he" or "she"," Kes offered, hoping to alleviate Tuvok's discomfort.  
  
"Ah." He seemed relieved, although, with a Vulcan, who could tell for sure?  
  
"Interesting," the Doctor replied. "However, I come bearing dismal news."  
  
"What is it?" Tuvok asked, a light frown creasing his brow.  
  
"It doesn't matter what I do, I can't seem to find a way to reverse the transporter accident."  
  
"You have only been at it for a few days, Doctor. I trust that you will stumble upon a solution forthwith."  
  
"Stumble?" the Doctor huffed. "I will do no such thing. Do you forget that I, in essence, *am* this ship's computer? I have all of Starfleet's resources at my instantaneous disposal, yet I am telling you that I don't think we're going to be able to reverse what's happened."  
  
Kes' mouth hung open, her eyes becoming moist. "You mean--"  
  
None of them had heard Charyn come back into Sickbay. Her voice, therefore, now startled them all. "He means that Kathryn and Chakotay might be gone forever."  
  
~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~  
  
It was dark in her quarters. Every now and then the light from a star which happened to be nearby would flicker through the inky blackness of the living room area, but for the most part there was no illumination. Not even from within the human seated on the long sofa. She sighed as her door chime sounded.  
  
"Yes," came her soft voice. "Come in."  
  
Kes' small form appeared in the doorway. She was hesitant, but did venture a few steps into the Captain's quarters.  
  
"Hello, Kes."  
  
"Hello, Charyn. My, it's...dark...in here. Mind if I turn the lights up?"  
  
"Not at all."  
  
"Computer, increase illumination by 25%."  
  
Beep-blip. "Illumination increased by 25%."  
  
Kes could finally see the lone figure sitting on the couch. She looked sad, and as Kes came closer, she could see Charyn had been crying. She quickly crossed the rest of the distance and seated herself next to her new friend.  
  
"What's wrong? Is it what you heard us talking about earlier in Sickbay?"  
  
She nodded slowly. "Partly."  
  
"What else? Charyn, I was...am...was...I'm Captain Janeway's best friend."  
  
"I know you are."  
  
"Then please trust me...talk to me. I can help you. I *want* to help you."  
  
"You told Chakotay that Kathryn's in love with him."  
  
Suddenly Kes wanted to be anywhere but there. "Uh, well--I, uh--I...oh, Captain...I mean, Charyn, I'm so sorry, I--"  
  
"No need to apologize. I'm quite certain the captain would understand."  
  
"She would?"  
  
"Of course. She might not approve of what you told him, but she would understand that you acted out of love and concern for her. She loves you very much...like a daughter almost."  
  
Kes' eyes teared up. "I love her too."  
  
"She knows that." Charyn sighed. "Speaking of love, I find myself in a rather...difficult position. It's actually most of the reason I was sitting here in the dark crying just now."  
  
"You mean other than the Doctor's pessimism regarding separating you again?"  
  
Charyn nodded.  
  
"What? Is it something I can help you with?"  
  
"It's what we were talking about before...about the captain being in love with Chakotay."  
  
"Oh. What about it?"  
  
"I find that...strange though it may seem...I am in the extremely awkward position of being in love with myself."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're right. Kathryn still loves Mark. But she's *in* love with Chakotay. Of course, there are a hundred feelings of guilt exuding from her regarding that predicament. But what you didn't know, at least not for sure, is that Chakotay is madly in love with Kathryn as well. I am constantly feeling the strength of both loves, and I find that the ache within me for both Chakotay *and* Kathryn is, at times, almost overwhelming. I want them both, but I *am* them both. You see my conundrum."  
  
"Yes, I--I do. He's in love with her?"  
  
"Oh, yes. Your instincts, Kes, as usual, were right on target where they're concerned."  
  
"Wow," Kes breathed, "I guess so. But listen, Charyn, there's gotta be a way to work through these emotions. Whoa!"  
  
"What? What's the matter?"  
  
"It hit me...it all just hit me..."  
  
"What did?"  
  
"The emotions...oh, my God, the *feelings* you're emitting...you're right. Their love...it's so *intense*. Wow. If it's affecting me like this and I'm out here, I can't imagine how it's affecting you in *there*."  
  
"Yes, you now understand. The pain of never being able to see their love fulfilled becomes almost physical at times. I find that I actually ache, right here." Charyn's hand covered her chest where her heart lay beating steadily under her skin. "For all their knowledge, for all their protocol and wisdom, for all their excuses and reasons why it can't be, Kathryn and Chakotay are, in essence, two lost souls who have found their mates...but..."  
  
"But what?"  
  
"But refuse to become one. I mean, they actually *are* one now, but that's not what I'm talking about, you understand."  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
Tears began rolling down Charyn's cheeks once more. "I can't help but feel guilty for existing."  
  
"Oh, Charyn, why would you feel guilty? It's not your fault."  
  
"I know that. But as long as I'm alive, they aren't. That makes them dead. And that means that their love is dead." Charyn rose from the couch and headed for the other side of the room. She leaned against the wall, resting her head on her arm. Then she backed away and hit the wall with the backside of her fist. "Damn it!" she swore. "Kes, please, there *has* to be something we can do!"  
  
Kes rushed to Charyn's side. "We'll keep working. I promise you, we won't stop until we find a way to bring Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay back."  
  
Charyn gathered her new...yet old...friend into her arms and they shared a warm hug. "Thank you so much, Kes. You give me new hope where before there lay only nothingness."  
  
"You're welcome, Charyn. But...no matter what happens, think of this: as long as *you* are alive, their love won't die. It will live within you."  
  
Charyn smiled sadly.  
  
"I'll keep you updated. In the meantime, Charyn, you should rest."  
  
"Quite right. I'll go to bed as soon as you leave."  
  
"Okay. Pleasant dreams?"  
  
"I'm sure they will be. Thank you again."  
  
"Any time. I'll see you later."  
  
And Kes was gone.  
  
Charyn got into bed, pulled the covers over herself and settled down for some sleep. She sure was tired. Today had been a busy one. And, if the captain's and commander's memories were any indication, it would only get harder and busier as the days passed.  
  
~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~  
  
And indeed, the days *did* pass. Swiftly. While Harry, B'Elanna, the Doctor and Kes struggled to find a way to separate Charyn back into Janeway and Chakotay, Charyn herself was beginning to come to terms with the residual feelings from both her "parents". With Kes' aid, she was able to deal with the once overpowering feelings of guilt that Kathryn had for daring to fall in love with someone other than Mark. Now her focus was to unite Kathryn and Chakotay's love for one another within herself, so that it wasn't constantly eating away at her psyche.  
  
In the back of her mind, Charyn herself began to feel rather guilty. Why? Because she was beginning to enjoy being alive. Now that she was more easily able to deal with all the feelings, she was starting to make a few friends among the crew and renewing the friendships Janeway and Chakotay had shared with others. During their off-duty hours, she and Kes worked hard at talking through anything and everything. But Charyn had not yet brought up to her friend that she was beginning to hope...and feeling horrible about doing so...that they would *never* find a way to separate her back into her former selves.  
  
Like all living creatures, Charyn found that she possessed the will to live. And if she were broken back down into her former selves...that meant...  
  
...certain death.  
  
"Doctor to Charyn."  
  
Charyn tapped her comm badge. "Yes, Doctor."  
  
"Please report to Sickbay immediately."  
  
From her position as first officer on the Bridge, Charyn exchanged glances with Tuvok, who still sat in the Captain's chair. He had just allowed Charyn onto the Bridge yesterday and she was performing beautifully. He saw no logical reason why she couldn't be back in the Captain's chair by next week. At least, that had been his reasoning this morning...  
  
"On my way." Charyn replied as Tuvok nodded to her. She came to her feet and walked proudly into the turbolift. Only when the doors swooshed shut behind her did she stagger back against the wall. She knew why the doctor was calling her to Sickbay. It could mean only one thing...he had found a way to separate her. What was she going to do?  
  
The Doctor, Kes, Harry and B'Elanna were all in Sickbay when Charyn arrived. Her heart sank. She listened quietly, showing no emotion, as the four explained that they'd come up with what they were sure was the solution to her "remarkable" problem. They had already spoken to Tuvok barely an hour before, who had given them his blessing to proceed immediately. Test separations were going to begin within the hour on a holodeck. As Charyn left Sickbay, Kes made the decision to follow her. It had been painfully obvious that she was less than enthusiastic about the new developments. Kes figured she needed an ear.  
  
"Charyn! Charyn, wait!" Kes called after her friend.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Let's talk."  
  
"Kes, I--I really don't feel like--"  
  
"I know you don't. But we have to. Come on, let's go to the conference room."  
  
Minutes later, Kes and Charyn were seated side-by-side, exactly where Kes and Chakotay had sat during their private conversation...it seemed like eons ago.  
  
"Charyn, something's wrong."  
  
She did not respond.  
  
"Please, tell me what it is."  
  
Still nothing.  
  
"Charyn, look at me! I'm Kes, I'm your friend...please. You weren't happy when we told you we were close to a solution for you. In fact, if I didn't know better, I'd say you were actually *un*happy."  
  
Charyn finally looked into Kes' eyes. "You are, as always, correct. Kes, I--I don't want to die."  
  
"What? What do you mean?"  
  
"It's true that I am a perfect merging of Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay. It's true that all my knowledge and memories came from their minds melding into one. It's true that I received my physical characteristics from the two of them. But...Kes, I have changed. I have evolved. I'm no longer just the result of some freak transporter accident."  
  
And suddenly, Kes knew exactly what Charyn was trying to say.  
  
"I'm my own person now. I'm not Captain Janeway. I'm not Commander Chakotay. I'm Charyn. I'm alive. I am me. And I *don't* want to die."  
  
"Oh, my." Tears came to Kes' eyes as she finally realized the conundrum of the situation. If they separated Charyn back into Janeway and Chakotay, Charyn would, for all intents and purposes, die. But if they *didn't* separate her...then the captain and the commander were lost forever...in essence, *they* would be dead. How could they, in good conscience, kill Charyn? But how could they, also in good conscience, not even attempt to save the ship's two senior officers?  
  
"Charyn, I understand what you're saying. But I don't know what the correct solution is to this problem. Let me speak with some of the others."  
  
"Kes, please help me. You are my friend. Perhaps they will listen to you. Please explain to them that...if they separate me, I will die. They will be murderers."  
  
Kes nodded. Her own mind and soul were in turmoil. She very much liked Charyn and felt sympathy for her. She didn't ask to be created, but she was and now she enjoyed her life. Yet Kes very much missed her best friend and the ship's first officer. More than anything, she wanted them back...that's all she'd ever really wanted. Could she, as Kathryn's friend, promote saving Charyn's life at the expense of both Kathryn and Chakotay?  
  
If she chose to side with Charyn, would she not then become, as Charyn had pointed out, a cold-blooded killer?  
  
~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~  
  
The usual familiar faces occupied the larger conference room: Tuvok, Tom, B'Elanna, Harry, Kes. The Doctor joined them via holographic conference. The obvious bodies missing belonged, of course, to Captain Janeway and the Commander. This was not lost on those seated around the table. Each was occupied by their own thoughts, struggling to come to terms with a decision that had never before needed to be made. Kes had done her best to explain Charyn's feelings on the subject, despite the guilt she felt at disagreeing with her.  
  
Tuvok wanted all of their opinions. As Acting Captain of Voyager, ultimately the decision was his and his alone. Ever the logician, however, Tuvok knew that each of the people gathered here were intelligent and fair-minded, enough so that he valued their opinions very highly. It made more sense for a captain to inquire as to the thoughts of each of his senior staff than to make the decision alone.  
  
"Does anyone have anything to say on this matter?" the Vulcan asked.  
  
B'Elanna was the first to speak. "I don't know how everyone else here feels, but I sympathize with Charyn. I would guess we all do. As Kes pointed out, it's not Charyn's fault that she exists. I understand the will to live; I have that will embedded deep within my bones. But just as Charyn didn't ask to be created, Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay did not agree to become one new person. They did not ask to die."  
  
Everyone nodded in agreement as the half-Klingon continued. "I feel that our position as Starfleet officers requires us to do everything in our power to restore our two senior officers. If we do nothing, we are signing their death warrants. In the scheme of things, signing two is worse than signing one."  
  
Tom was surprised by B'Elanna's willingness to stick her neck out like this. She must have been thinking about this for quite some time. Strengthened by her openness, he decided to voice his own opinion. "I agree with B'Elanna. I don't think we have the right to write the captain and the commander off like Charyn wants us to do. Charyn has her own voice to tell us what *she* wants. But they have no one to tell us what *they* want. We can't hear *their* voices."  
  
Tuvok nodded silently, storing everything in his memory for future reference.  
  
"I don't know about any of you, but I want Captain Janeway and the Commander back," Kes blurted out. She blushed as soon as her mouth closed, unable to believe she'd actually said that. "I-I'm sorry, I--" Tears came to her eyes. She hid them with her hand, now thoroughly embarrassed.  
  
"I agree," Harry said, feeling for the young woman. "I want them back, too. I like Charyn, I really do. But we need the captain and the commander of this ship back. We need them to guide us home. We just...*need* them. No offense, Mr. Tuvok."  
  
"None taken," Tuvok replied. "Doctor, you have remained uncharacteristically silent. What are your thoughts on this matter?"  
  
Frowning at Tuvok's obvious dig at him, the Doctor replied, "I have done almost nothing for the past two weeks but give this matter serious thought. I have devoted all of my time to discovering a solution to the transporter accident. Now that we are on the verge of success, I find that, more than ever, I want it to work. I feel we need to do everything in our power to restore Commander Chakotay and Captain Janeway to their former selves." Looking somewhat embarrassed, he paused, then added, "We owe them that much. I must, however, voice reservations that I *do* have."  
  
"And what would those be, Doctor?" Tuvok inquired.  
  
"I hadn't thought of what we are attempting to do here as the taking of a life until Kes spoke of Charyn's feelings on the matter. I must warn you that I cannot be directly responsible for the death of a living being. My central matrix will cease to function if I do so."  
  
"Understood."  
  
They had all spoken. Now Tuvok needed time to think. He decided that meditation would be the most logical way to think clearly, so he dismissed his shipmates and proceeded to his quarters. His parting words haunted the rest of them as they left the conference room.  
  
"You will have my decision in one hour."  
  
~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~  
  
Kes sat in her quarters, her lights dimmed down to only 10%. She felt so guilty...how could she tell Charyn that she hadn't been able to speak on her behalf? Oh, she had expressed Charyn's reservations to them, but she hadn't gone to bat for her...she knew she'd been counting on her, too.  
  
Suddenly Kes wished, not for the first time since the incident, that Captain Janeway were there. *She* would help Kes through her feelings. But now...with the captain gone...Kes had no one to turn to...  
  
~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~  
  
Tom Paris had the Bridge. Charyn was seated in the first officer's chair, checking over some readings on recent tests she had performed on some of the flowers from the surface of the planet which had, in many ways, been her birthplace. Harry occupied his usual spot. He and Tom kept exchanging nervous glances. Charyn pretended not to notice. Tom looked at the chronometer on his armpad.  
  
It had been one hour.  
  
The turbolift doors swished open. Tuvok strode onto the Bridge, looked briefly at Harry and Tom, and then proceeded to Charyn's position. "Mr. Charyn, if you will please accompany me to Sickbay."  
  
Charyn's eyes widened.  
  
"I have made my decision."  
  
"I know." She came to her feet, trying ever so hard to resign herself to the fate decided for her by Tuvok. Wait. Decided *for* her?!? Didn't *she* have any say in this? It was, after all, *her* future. *Her* life. Suddenly, she took two steps away from Tuvok. "No," was all she said.  
  
Tuvok raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I beg your pardon?"  
  
Charyn shook her head, tears forming in her eyes. "No, no, Tuvok, I'm sorry. I can't let you do this to me."  
  
"I'm afraid that as your senior officer, you must follow my orders. I have made my decision. You will report to Sickbay at once."  
  
"No!" Charyn screamed. She looked desperately at each person currently manning the Bridge. The ensigns who were just filling in for the regular crewmembers averted their eyes, not wanting to get involved in such a volatile situation. "Tom, surely you can understand!" she cried, rushing to stand next to him. His eyes were full of pity for her, but she could tell he agreed with Tuvok's decision. She then turned to Harry, running up the Bridge to stand next to him. Her eyes pleaded with him almost as much as her words. "Harry, please, help me. He wants to murder me! They all do!" Again, Charyn was met with looks of pity, but nothing else.  
  
"My God," Charyn breathed. "You're all a bunch of murderers! That's all you are! And you call yourself Starfleet officers!"  
  
Tuvok tapped his comm badge. "Security, send a team to the Bridge immediately."  
  
"You can't do this to me! I won't let you!" she screamed. "I won't let you kill me!" Charyn backed towards the turbolift, eyes wide with fear. She looked at Tuvok and grimaced. "Tell me, Tuvok," she spat, "what kind of logic allows you to kill?"  
  
"I am simply following the logical statement that an ancient Vulcan once uttered, Charyn. 'The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.' He lived that maxim. Indeed, he once died to follow it. There can be no purer logic."  
  
"That's crazy! Just because I'm only one person means you have carte blanche to do me in?!?"  
  
"I am sorry you do not follow the logic."  
  
Just as Charyn turned to run for the turbolift, the doors swished open and two Security guards ran right into her. Within moments they had her neutralized between them. Shoulders slumping in defeat, tears sprang to Charyn's eyes. "I cannot fight an entire ship," she said quietly. "And it's obvious that they all agree with you."  
  
The Bridge was so silent you could have heard a uniform pip drop.  
  
"Very well, Mr. Tuvok. Lead me to my execution."  
  
~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~  
  
The Doctor instructed Charyn to seat herself upon a bio bed. She did so, then looked mournfully at Kes. "It was all in vain, wasn't it, Kes?"  
  
The young woman stepped forward. "What was?"  
  
"Working through Captain Janeway's guilt. Attempting to reconcile the two great loves."  
  
Of course, everyone else was completely confused. But Kes knew to what Charyn was referring. "No, Charyn. It wasn't in vain. If the captain and the commander retain memories of their time as you, what you have done will undoubtedly have serious repercussions on their lives."  
  
"It will?"  
  
"Of course." Kes stepped forward and grasped Charyn's hand. "You will live forever among us. All of us will remember you. And, just as part of the captain and the commander are with you, a part of you will always be with them. You aren't going to die Charyn. You're just going to...change."  
  
"Kes, your friendship has meant so much to me. Thank you."  
  
Kes smiled, tears rolling down her face, as she backed away.  
  
"Oh, and Kes, will you please tell Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay something for me?"  
  
"Yes. Anything."  
  
Charyn cried openly, the wetness of tear tracks painfully obvious on her cheeks. "Tell them to just go for it." She smiled through her tears, as did Kes. "Goodbye."  
  
"We're ready," B'Elanna interjected.  
  
"Doctor?"  
  
"Mr. Tuvok, I cannot be a party to this separation. I am a doctor. We are supposed to save lives."  
  
Tuvok nodded. "Understood. I shall perform the procedure myself." He stepped into place as the doctor took a few steps back. "Energizing."  
  
Charyn began to shimmer, as though she were being transported.  
  
"Goodbye," Kes whispered.  
  
Everyone watched closely. For several seconds there was nothing, only Charyn's lone form. Then, quite suddenly, two other forms appeared, one on either side of her. They all looked the same for a few more seconds, then one began to take on the obvious form of Kathryn, the other, Chakotay. Finally, the middle form--Charyn--disappeared completely. A few more seconds passed and suddenly the shimmering light was gone. There on the bio bed sat Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay looking a little disoriented.  
  
"Welcome back, Captain," Tuvok greeted, "Commander." He stepped away from the transporter controls and headed for Janeway's position.  
  
The two recently returned humans slid off the bio bed and onto their feet. They looked earnestly at one another, mouths agape. As if thinking the same thing at the same time, both of them ducked their heads and tried to hide a blush. It took a great deal of visible effort for them both to compose themselves.  
  
"Thank you, Mr. Tuvok. I trust all is well with my ship?"  
  
The faintest hint of something appeared at the corners of Tuvok's mouth...dare anyone guess it to be...a smile? "It is now, Captain," he replied, raising one eyebrow. "It is now."  
  
~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~V~  
  
The capatain's door chime sounded. Dressed in a flowing peach satin robe, she rose from her couch and walked halfway to the door. "Come in."  
  
It opened to reveal a very timid-looking Kes. But when she saw her Captain for the first time since the reappearance, she rushed into the room and enveloped her in a hug. "Oh, Captain!"  
  
"Kes!" she laughed, eagerly returning the hug. "I thought I told you to call me Kathryn when we were off duty."  
  
"I'm sorry, Cap--Kathryn. I cannot begin to tell you how glad I am to see you."  
  
"I'm glad to see you, too, Kes."  
  
"Tell me, I--I have to know..."  
  
"Know what?"  
  
The two women seated themselves on the captain's couch.  
  
"Do you...can you--do you remember being Charyn?"  
  
Kathryn's face lost any trace of amusement. "Yes," she whispered. "I've thought of little else since our return."  
  
"All her experiences, all her thoughts?"  
  
"Yes. Why do you ask?"  
  
"Well, I was hoping...I mean, *she* was hoping...well, I guess we were *both* hoping that, if you retained her memories, you'd--I mean, you and--Commander Chakotay would be together right now."  
  
The captain wanted to scold Kes for meddling in her affairs...but how could she? Kes' meddling had opened up a whole new world of possibilities for her and Chakotay. Indeed, she should be doing nothing but thanking her friend. Profusely.  
  
So she smiled. "He's coming over in ten minutes."  
  
Kes' face first registered confusion, then understanding, then surprise, and then amusement. Finally, a ringing laugh erupted from her. "You know, Charyn wanted me to tell you something," she breathed in between gasps of laughter.  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
"Yes." Kes stood and walked to the door. "She said to tell you and the commander to 'go for it'."  
  
Kathryn laughed. "Noted. Thank you, Kes. We'll speak soon."  
  
Kes nodded and, all smiles, left the captain's quarters. To find Neelix, no doubt.  
  
Moments later, Kathryn's door chime sounded once more.  
  
She rose and walked halfway to the door. "Come in."  
  
Kathryn's heart skipped a beat. There, at her door, stood Chakotay. He was dressed in a soft, dark purple velvet two-piece outfit, at the waist, a lavender velvet belt, tied in a loose knot.  
  
He knew damn well that her favorite color was purple. At least, now he did. She smiled tentatively.  
  
"Kathryn."  
  
"Chakotay."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
THE END  



End file.
